Mind Map

just have to keep going. hard times will end. actually, it IS ending soon. i hope.

Next week maybe? But days before that comes always seem long and dreadful.

But i dont know why, i dont feel any excitement about it going to end.
Maybe i've been disappointed for too many times.
Like. people that i thought would want to do something are NOT actually functioning. but maybe im wrong. someone please convince me so..
Perhaps I've been looking to the wrong group of people.
Maybe everyone is really busy.
I kept thinking that someone is going to step out to do something.
But i dont see anything.
Maybe everyone is just last minute.
But i dont like the feeling of waiting for this last minute to come,
it just feel ominous to me,
it makes me panick.

I like things to be well-planned and written nicely in document/notebook.

I get tired.
I may throw temper,
throw tantrum,
be weird,
have more bad moods,
more unknown tears shed,
murmurred more why-s.

Actually I could have asked for help.

Actually I dont know what am i doing.

Actually I miss home alot. (yeah right, then what would i miss when im at home?)

Actually i may regret. (the forbidden word in my dictionary)

My aunt
(whom i assume to understand least of my life, she doesnt know my current life. all she knows is, oh she's attending pracs in CO. So i have quite some liberty in life huh? Actually i realized that I've lost touch with my family, they no longer see the full picture of my life besides my report books and results of any sort. when i was home, i missed my bunch of friends here who really understand me now. there were times when I miss my sis very much. But. there's no way to talk to her, and no way to finish catching up with one another because there is simply too much. ok. im out of track, gotta get back to 'my aunt')
actually told me to pack up and go home and come back before the concert starts.

wow. i thought of that before too, before i joined. But thanks to myself. I sank too deep inside this. can't get out that easily. I told myself it will be irresponsible of me if i do so. 'cause, i chose to do it in the first place, only lousy people give up and back out. oh anyway, i dont like the way ____ called me 'oh admin ppl'. Maybe im just sensitive.

so just have to keep going.

keep going.

shouldnt have time to regret, or think of if i never,
all i have to do now is just keep moving forward. and there will be YAY.

Oh. and i told myself. the successful people, I guess they dont grumble and whine as much as i do?

So i should start shutting up.

The one who needs the SHUTUP sign board is actually no one but myself.

so SHUTUP.

and just keep going.