Mind Map

This should have been done 5 days ago. ohdear.

This is the shortest holiday I have ever had in Taiwan. 14days.
And the amount of time I spend in front of laptop decreased by large.
The number of posts I have here for year 2009 decreased by large too. ):

2009. I always tell people that I prefer 2008.
I feel that 2008 felt more successful and happier than 2009.
I feel that many things happened this year and I am not too happy about them.

Lots of things I have/have not done disappointed me in 2009.

I made alot of decisions that yield results that dont really satisfy me.
And i guess I started to get lethargic and think/plan much less.
My academics are bad, and i feel that i didn't really do much for my committments.
Much less things achieved.

If you were to ask me what do i remember of 2009.

I don't know why, the first few things I can recall about the first half of the year are:

1. SYF
The practices in J-block during the March holidays, with Liu Laoshi and the frustrations/conflicts we had with the changing of conductor. I have this image of Liu Laoshi sitting on the bench in the foyer before she said bye. Oh and i also remember MrTTK telling me that he felt that I have been in rgs for ages and joked about maybe i'm a retainee. I also recall the moments we had in the SCH after SYF, i remember the tears we had and the grumbles we made because we thought that the judgements were unfair. I remember hearing people telling us that we should have gotten more. But well, thinking about it now, it's a competition,  I remember that i was talking to Sng after watching their competition, something along the lines with "it's ok we've done our best and we feel that it is the BEST too, but perhaps the judges just don't appreciate it the way we do. Just treat it as it's just THEIR way of judgements and it's different from how we see things, 'cause everyone is different anyway". Maybe i created those lines for comforting all of us or maybe it's the truth. I wanted to blog after that SYF, but didnt manage to find time/mood to do it. This reminded me that yiheng deleted his blog posts after that.

2. RJCO concert
I remember getting fed up with the non-stop changes -.-, and making decorated and organised slides for the stage movements while negotiating with Huiwen. I remember dashing across the front stage to give a big hug to Leeqi who lifted me off ground, and that made RJCO teacher IC not happy with me. -.- I remember taking up the role in AV room and working with Bing Liang for the first time in my life (and later being described as 'the-weird-lightings-that-concerts-don't-usually-have by the RJphotog people) just for Phantom of the Opera. However, the image that i have in mind for this event is nothing related to the concert, but just singing 'Wine red' with wenyun on our way to RJ before rehearsal. Weird huh?

For the later part of the school year, everything is about EYA and mugging. Alot of panic. and then the disappointment upon viewing my own progress report. All I thought in that period of time was that i just want to get all these over and done with and start a new life in JC. I thought maybe i'll change. And i HOPE i do too.

My November and December were totally occupied with BHCO. I wrote postcards to wenyun. I had alot of tears and laughters in this period of time. It was a very tough process. And there were many times that I was tempted to give up. But i didnt, because I'm Nina who always try to persist on because someone told me "it's damn tough but you're tougher" long time ago, who encouraged me to always strive on. And i guess that's the character that really marks me. Some people actually thought(or joked) that they guess I'm probably having an affair with one the the admin people in BH and therefore I worked that hard for him. That totally disgusted me to the max. Why did i work that hard? It's 'cause i didnt want to believe that the BHCE that i looked forward to will disappoint me. However, I had a wakeup call from X who told me that, this is BHCO, BHCE is not there anymore. I still looked for traces of the existence of the BHCE i remember in this BHCO though. It was to keep my spirit on and never give up. I wanted to make my sacrifices for this thing worthwhile too, so i had to work hard to let myself end this year feeling happy at least. But I'm glad that i got to know quite some nice people from this too. The pros and cons from this event may not be very balanced, but i guess we just have to know how to enjoy every little good things that we get to receive, and never get down by keep thinking about the cons in the event. It's about perspective and the choice I make to view this whole thing. This may be a very optimistic way of thinking, but who cares if it keeps me happy? (:

I love the notebook filled with messages from the BH people on the concert day. I was tearing when i read them, 'cause they're really very nice. I think I'll never get sick of reading it for 1000 times. It's definitely my best birthday present ever. (: When i read the book that they give me, i love to flip to the first page and look at everyone's signatures on the book. It just feel touching and heartwarming. It's this kind of little thing that can really touch me deep in my heart.

2009 ended off the same way as it did in 2008. With me watching the fireworks in Taipei City on the rooftop of my aunt's place. A good ending?

Lots of maybe-not-so-happy things might have taken place in 2009. But no matter what it's still good experiences and lessons learnt. That's the most important thing that matters, isnt it? and all these events added many more colours into my life once again. Every stroke from each event paints a shade of a different colour onto the canvas of my life, making it better and better.

I'll look forward to 2010. Maybe a newer life in a new environment. I wish myself good luck.